Sometimes, I don't think about some things unless asked. And then when I do, I realise how remarkable those life experiences have been.
"Breaking stereotypes" isn't something an Indian woman is taught to do; so, she isn't conditioned to naturally display the trait. But I am privileged (no! I wasn't born into privilege, but I wasn't born into poverty either; so, privileged like that for sure!) to have been born into the Das-Patra family's united duality. Though quite opposites in many ways, my parents have maintained some privilege for us girls (me & my sister) - I have never till today heard phrases, statements, or comments which are gender demeaning; no chore or task at home has gender categorization (every one at home does every chore). And so, I know how to change a car tyre as much as I know how to make a mean curry. So, the first "Breakers of Chains" in my life were definitely my parents.
Over the years, the many life experiences that I went through, made me realise that I was always looked at either with amusement, or scorn. It was only in the last decade that I realised my own wonder. Here are some "breaking" that I associate with myself, among others not mentioned in this story.
I have been a smoker for twenty-one years of my forty years of life, and I used to smoke publicly in my hometown at a time when we'd just stepped into the new millennium. And when I look back, I remember how few were actually my friends then, most of them came to see and be amused by the creature. Thankfully, those friends still remain. And though I don't smoke anymore, my attitude in life remains just the same - take life by the horns and go for the ride!
I have never been married; don't get me wrong, it isn't like I never wanted to, or wasn't at the threshold of tying the knot. It's just that every time I found myself somewhere around it, I realised, I didn't want it. And ultimately one fine day I realised, I truly never wanted it.
I bought my first house when I was thirty-two, and sold it at thirty-eight, and then made another home for myself at forty. As a single woman, strangers constantly kept looking over my shoulder for a man - the seller, the government officials, the electricians, carpenters, plumbers, neighbours, society folks. Ultimately, I did find many during this process, who admired the grit of a single woman.
I became a leader at my work by leading my team for five geographies. I was and still am exemplary at my work for which I was very passionate. However, almost three years ago, I left the corporate haven to walk on a different path. It was an extremely difficult decision, and more confusing a time for me, and I remember very vividly how most people couldn't understand why I had "given up". This external misunderstanding of others thoughts stayed with me in a small corner of my mind to push me into a corporate life again. But this time, I just knew why I didn't want it in the first place, and so, I quit in two months. During these almost three years, I wrote and published my book, learnt to drive and bought my first car, and most importantly, started to create acceptance within.
Today, I live with my parents again, after having lived away from them for over twenty years. Thus, breaking the conventional idea that Indian women don't return to live with their parents once they leave home.
The many shackles of conventionality and typecasting that I have unknowingly broken have only taught me to be more accepting of everyone around me, and to help in my own way to ensure there exists no glass ceiling, to have to put unnecessary efforts to break it.
Authored by - Sonia Das
Insta Handle - @soniadiaries
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