I grew up in an orthodox family where 'Beti is paraya dhan' (a girl is a treasure for another family) was normal. Yet the only discrimination my father demonstrated was those to protect me - no going out alone, no staying out late etc. I was literally the princess that even my own sibling couldn't hit because I was a girl.
Unfortunately, and ironically the first time I experienced actual discrimination was by the hands of another woman, my stepmother. A pahadi woman who believed men are the kings and all women servants catering to their needs. Life as a girl under her guardianship changed drastically for me. I was forbidden to eat all the healthy food without permission - fruits, milk, ghee and all-important nutritional food was a privilege only for the men in the family and I received the leftovers. This not only impacted my mental image of my self-worth, absence of nutritious food during my growing years has continued to impact my physical health leading to multiple health issues.
The stereotyping continued after marriage too, but with a tinge of convenience. The same woman was allowed to work night shifts and travel as that brought money in the home. But wasn't allowed to meet friends or keep any money for herself.
When I became a mother to a son, that moment I knew my role was not just to raise a healthy child but a responsible, kind and just man. Since then, we have together worked on breaking many stereotypes.
From getting divorced after 9 years of marriage without any alimony or child support to single parenting. From giving my son my paternal surname to putting my name as Father and Mother in his documents... we have done it all.
We work against stereotypes every day at home, where everyone must know and do all household chores. Where my son can confidently talk about, discuss and take care of the feminine intimate hygiene, problems and solutions and boldly buy my sanitary pads and my undergarments without needing to hide them under a black poly bag or wrap in a newspaper.
We understand the special needs a woman may have during 'that time of the month' and provide the physical and emotional support needed. We break stereotypes by talking about sex, intimacy and romantic relationships with as much ease as any other dinner table topic.
We make it normal for the men in the house be emotionally low and vulnerable. They aren't judged or looked down upon for being sensitive just as much no special credit is given for doing their share of household chores.
Breaking stereotypes to me is not limited to a gender at all. And it doesn't have to be the big things. It is in the everyday small things, little gestures, conscious words and efforts that come together to make the big impact possible.
I am not breaking stereotypes just for myself. I am building an environment where the next generation can flourish without these stereotypes. I am breaking the generational chain like many others, in my own little ways.
Authored by - Ariana
Insta Handle - @ur_ariana
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