He gasped his breath as he narrated the ordeal his family went through during the 2020 Covid-19 wave. The unfortunate pandemic had taken away 6 of his family members already. His mother who had already lost her husband to another ailment earlier was hanging on her hope with Arun (name changed) around.
His cousins, uncles and aunts reached out to him for emotional support too. They had lost their close family. Arun had begun to feel overwhelmed with so much of loss of life around. As if this wasn't enough, he lost his job too due to low performance issues. His stress levels had impacted his work extremely and it showed in his performance.
Now, Arun had another stress at hand to find a job while grieving the loss of his loved ones and supporting his mother. He couldn't even express himself properly fearing his mother will lose hope. This suppressed pain within him was becoming more and more intense and creating larger havoc within, with every passing day. He began to lose hope. His trust in his own abilities was diminishing. He couldn't see any light at the end of this dark dingy tunnel... nothing was visible. He stopped seeing positivity in anything around him.
It began to become more and more difficult to even get through a day. Being a man in an Indian society, had a different level of pressures. We expect our men to be machines who host no emotions within them, or so they show. Their tears are meant only for the pillows or the washrooms and failure isn't even an option. This added pressure of being a man, of the need to be strong always, even when he couldn't, he didn't want to, was making Arun more and more weak. He even thought of ending his own life.
Just in time, good sense prevailed and he shared his state with a friend who referred him to us, lovelivelearn.
When I first spoke to Arun, he couldn't see me eye to eye. As if he had done something drastically wrong by simply seeking help. Slowly he mustered some courage and began to share and open up. After an hour or so of just listening, Arun felt lighter and asked for next steps. I gave him some simple activities to complete during the week, some physical exercises and affirmations. We were to connect the next weekend.
This time, Arun was ahead of the scheduled time, and was looking forward to the connect. He looked fresh. His eyes looked well rested and there was calm in his tone. We began our discussion and I was more than grateful to see Arun progressing towards healing.
For the next few sessions, Arun and I together explored ways to help him get his love and passion back in life and stayed in touch. Arun was getting better by the day.
Suddenly he stopped booking sessions. He stopped responding to my wellbeing messages. I continued to heal and bless him from the distance and deeply, intently prayed for his wellbeing.
Recently, early this year, Arun suddenly messaged me with a picture. It was his wedding picture with his wife. He dearly wrote 'I recently got married and wanted to share this with you. I got a good job as well and my pursuing my passion. You helped me during the worst stage of my life. You brought me back from committing suicide. I wanted to share my happy moment with you. Thank you.'
A grateful tear of happiness rolled down my cheeks. I blessed Arun and asked him to stay in touch. We said goodbyes on the chat and went about our own days. Yet that day was byfar one of those days where any level of gratitude I extended to the almighty, to the universe, didn't seem enough.
And the journey to listen to another, to embrace another broken heart, broken soul, to heal another, to bless another life... continues.
In Gratitude I remain.
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