Compassion is a desire to help someone suffering using unconditional positive regard. Compassion recognizes all living creatures are fallible and deserve to feel safe, loved, and comfortable. Compassion also separates an individual from the behavior like we can love a person, we can have compassion for a person, or we can dislike a behavior and still have compassion.
Research on self-compassion is very compelling. Some effects of self-compassion include:
Sleep - People who are self-compassionate have improved sleep. If a person is kind to themselves, they are less angry with themselves thus they are less riddled with guilt or less stressed hence they take better care for themselves and most likely end up getting better quality sleep.
Pain - Among those who are self-compassionate pain is reduced. Since individuals who are self-compassionate are less stressed their pain goes down as they are more accepting of the pain instead of fighting with it which reduces their HPA axis activation or their stress response. Thus, such individuals notice an improvement in their perception of pain and their pain threshold stays higher.
Cortisol - For individuals who are more self-compassionate it is noted that they have less spikes in cortisol levels and hence see an improved overall functioning in their health and wellbeing.
Immunity - People who are self-compassionate engage in adequate self-care giving their body time to rest, repair, and recharge which allows their immune system to do its job effectively and efficiently.
Blood Sugar - Blood sugar levels among those who are self-compassionate is observed to be more controlled due to fact that their body is less stressed hence there is less release of cortisol, glutamate, or adrenaline hence the liver does not release blood sugar to fuel the fight or flight reactions.
Mood Disorders -Individuals who are more nurturing to themselves are more responsive to their needs and thus experience less anxiety, less depression, or less anger. Hence, they are less hard on themselves and can engage in problem focused and situation-focused coping.
Burnout - Particularly observed among those who are in a care giver role (doctors, nurses, parents, caregivers for elderly or disabled children, etc.,), self-compassion plays a huge role in burnout because if caregivers can’t recognize their own needs and care for themselves, they will start getting depleted and eventually hit the level of burnout where they don’t have the energy to be a caregiver.
Problem Solving - Imagine if a person did not have the ability to problem-solve – they are most likely to feel hopeless, helpless, and defeated. However, those who engage in self-compassion can effectively problem solve issues, gain insight into tolerating and responding to distress using a wise mind.
Interpersonal Relationships - People who are more self-compassionate are also more compassionate towards others. Though this can go both ways, the more people who held negative beliefs about self-compassion thought often the less compassionately responding in a real-world event. So, most of the time these people view compassion as indulgent or irresponsible.
How to create compassion awareness?
Use this table to create compassion awareness. First create it for yourself, then for another person, and then for a child. Answer honestly for every issue what your true response would be one that is compassionate or one that is not compassionate.
Issue | Compassion | Complacency/ Indulgence/ Irresponsibility |
Pain/ Disability | | |
Exhaustion | | |
Physical Imperfections | | |
Mistakes | | |
Anger | | |
Anxiety | | |
Depression | | |
Grief | | |
Table 1.1 – Compassion comparison
This exercise should help you define that continuum of responses for compassion from a compassionate response to an irresponsible response.
How to develop self-compassion?
Develop a secure attachment to yourself
Learn to attach yourself by use of consistent mindfulness and sensitive responding to feel safe enough to tolerate distress and improve the next moment. Start mindful awareness by checking in with yourself, every day, maybe before every meal three times a day and slowly increase it as needed. Notice what you are saying to yourself and what you are doing to yourself. Observe and describe your needs to yourself. Encourage to say things to yourself like, “Wow! I am starting to feel overwhelmed.” Or “I am being lazy; I need to get up and get things done.” Ask yourself, if what you are telling yourself would be the same way you would say it to someone else. Often, we tend to be much harsher to ourselves. Stop criticizing how you feel – radically accept the moment; it doesn’t mean you have to like it. Learn to use distress tolerance skills to help yourself tolerate those feelings and then move on to embrace yourself by saying something like, “I know this sucks AND this will pass and I will have a rice and meaningful life.”
Think to yourself, “do other people feel the same way? Tell yourself it is not just you; it is just a state of being and then ask yourself if you would hold other people to the same standard, if not stay compassionate to yourself. This is also called using a fact-based approach.
Develop a compassionate imagery for yourself and others – like when you are compassionate, what would it look like? Would it be someone helping a random person, or would it be a bird sitting on your shoulder? Try to envision this for yourself and others.
When you’re feeling bad or when you make a mistake – simply ask yourself; “what is the most compassionate response I can muster right now?” and try to practice the same on other people too.
Once you start practicing self-compassion, go back and reattempt the Compassion comparison table from above and compare results to yourself.
Above all, remember life is a marathon not a sprint. We learn self-compassion from the compassion shown to us by others. Many people are taught that self-compassion is indulgence or irresponsible or they don’t deserve compassion. Hence, developing self-compassion takes time and requires examining and altering the negative beliefs that were taught about self-compassion including processing prior experiences and guilt about having self-compassion. Seek professional help when needed.
*Reach out to author for this post’s research references if needed.
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