Let us Live in Peace before we Rest in Peace

Despite multiple assurances, reassurances, positivity, soul searching, self reflection... and many more... there was one question that I never found answer to.

In the year 2018, after at least 30 years of desperately searching, I have found that answer.

For those who have known me close enough, and seen that side of me which I avoid showing to even myself, would know immediately what is that one thing that I have always felt a void of despite having achieved almost everything. It is the word MAA (mother).

I always heard everyone tell me that everything happens for good. While I could apply this philosophy to smaller bad experiences first and with time even to larger ones, I could never apply this to my mother's death. How could a young beautiful, healthy woman passing away leaving a 2 yr and a 4 yr child behind be good in anyway for anyone.

This absence impacted me so much that I kept searching for other women who could fulfill that gap, that void in my life. Except my Aunt who brought me up and is the only one I ever really considered my mom, I could never find anyone fitting into that space. But God has his ways, and first I was taken away from my Aunt and then she was taken away from this world.

Finally, by the Grace of God and the Guidance of life experiences, I found my answer. And to my surprise and to many of yours I am sure, I now know that she leaving me at such a small age is what really has shaped me into who I am today.

All that followed her demise, every single painful experience, every single humiliation, hurt and harm to my physical, emotional and psychological self, would not have taken place, had she not left me to face it all alone.

Every strength, every smile, every success, every achievement, every act of courage, love and care that any of you see in me today, has been only possible due to the eventful life I have lived, which in turn happened because of her demise.

I owe all that I have today, to every single person who has contributed in any which way to my eventful journey, and I owe it all to my Mom, and to the universe. I am not a self made woman, I am an experience shaped human.

The peace that this revelation brought me, in inexplicable and incomparable.

I am glad I am and I will 'LIVE IN PEACE' before I 'REST IN PEACE.

We all live a life of denial for most of our life. Denying either situations, limitations, events, absence, presence, hurt, pain, joy... we want to live in the lie, in the illusion of what WE want to be true, to be a reality. And much of our suffering - internal and external, is a contribution of these denials.

Acceptance is the only way to salvation. The only path to self discovery and peace. Begin with accepting your NOW, and slowly work towards accepting your past. The fear of future then will begin to impact you lesser and lesser.

Let us all strive to LIVE IN PEACE, before we REST IN PEACE.